The other day I was holding Jayde, and looking at her, I felt like I was looking 25 years into my past. Several people have told me how much she looks like me, but I haven't sat there and REALLY looked at how each of her characteristics seem to reflect a little of me, right down to the arches in her feet.
I may be a little biased, but I think she's quite breath-taking. She's got amazing, bright blue eyes that seem to just radiate life and joy when she smiles. She's got perfect, soft blonde hair that has a little bit of a curl to it, and that beautiful, flawless, squishy baby skin. She is the epitome of fresh, new, beautiful life.
I do love that she looks like me. But as I was looking down at her and noticing her curly hair, her high cheek-bones, her tiny feet and high arches, and all the other characteristics she obviously got from me, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. At the same time as I was admiring my beautiful daughter I was reminded of the fact that God also gave me all those characteristics and saw me as a masterpiece, more so even than I see Jayde as a masterpiece...and I so often have such little appreciation for that. Actually, appreciating my body and the masterpiece that it is is probably the biggest struggle I have on a day to day basis. Not a shocker, I know, as I'm sure many of you have had body image issues throughout your life, too. Not long after this little "moment" with Jayde I heard some statistics I thought were pretty sad too:
--Two out of five women and one out of five men would trade three to five years of their life to achieve their weight goals.
--In 1970 the average age of a girl who started dieting was 14; by 1990 the average dieting age fell to 8.
--Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents.
--30% of women chose an ideal body shape that is 20% underweight and an additional 44% chose an ideal body shape that is 10% underweight.
So, so sad.
What is even more sad is that I nodded my head and found myself fitting in to almost every one of those statistics. I remember being five years old and comparing myself to other girls in my dance classes. This has been a lifelong struggle to the point that I can't even REMEMBER not caring about how my body looked. Thankfully, this year God has been rescuing me, slowly but surely, from the bondage of the self-loathing and self-love wrapped up in poor body image.
For example, God laid it on my heart this year to give up something completely out of the ordinary for Lent. I'm not Catholic, but I do see how good things can come out of honoring the tradition of Lent, so I decided to take part this year. I was going to give up desserts...mostly as a convenient excuse to maybe lose a little baby weight and prove that I had some self control. But, my birthday is during Lent season so I couldn't bring myself to give up my birthday cake. :) I finally admitted to my husband one evening that the hardest thing in the world for me to give up would probably be make-up. "Well...there you go," He said.
"Noo!! I can't do it!" I screamed in my head. From the time I first started wearing make-up (age 12) to now, I truly cannot remember a single day when I went out of the house without a little make-up on. Especially eye make-up. I probably should have given up all make-up for Lent but I decided to take a baby step and just give up the one piece of make-up that was hardest for me, and that was eye make-up. I decided I'd only be allowed to wear a tiny bit of mascara on church days and days when I was going to work at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, but all other days I would not be allowed to wear even a little bit of eye make-up.
Some funny things happened during those weeks of no eye make-up. First of all, I was shocked at how many people didn't even notice. That's right, I was self-centered enough to think that people always paid attention to how much eye make-up I was wearing :). I was at least expecting people to say things like "oh, you look tired today" or something like that, but nope. No comments.
Secondly, I started to actually LIKE how my eyes looked without any make-up on and my husband did too. Thirdly, it was a stepping stone to me going out of the house without any make-up on at all one day, and--SHOCKER--no one noticed or treated me any differently.
That experience was good for me for a number of reasons, and has led to other break-throughs as well such as letting my hair's natural wave come out and no longer using a tanning bed. My next venture will be to try to love my natural hair COLOR and my new body shape, thanks to giving birth twice. :)
Anyway, I feel like taking these steps is so important if I'm going to raise a daughter. I want to be an example to her of someone who loves my body, not because it's a size 4 or comes with flawless skin and hair, or even because "I'm worth it" and all those other crappy catch phrases in the media and on Oprah...but because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Truly. I am God's masterpiece, scars, dimples, fly-aways, bunions and all.
A life-long struggle doesn't just melt away in one month. I know I will constantly have to surround myself with TRUTH, especially to combat the lies on TV and in magazines and, well, everywhere if I really want to tackle this thing. If you're in this battle too, be encouraged by these truths that are helping me!
Psalm 139:13-16 ESV:
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Matthew 6:25 ESV:
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Ephesians 2:10 ESV:
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Genesis 1:31 ESV:
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
